well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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