so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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