You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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