oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
