it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
