Don't you send me to vm
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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