I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
