I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
