The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
