I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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