She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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