I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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