Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My cat gives me a boner
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
