Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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