you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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