The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
