I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
