Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
