Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
