one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
