he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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