Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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