The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
