Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
