I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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