I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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