Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
