one two three fourrrrnication!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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