did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
