There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
