apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
