my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
