Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
