I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
