Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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