Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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