Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
