i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
