I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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