My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
