I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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