his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
