everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
