For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
