I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
