I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
