dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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