Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
