my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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