just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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