I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
