His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
