the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
