he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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