lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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