I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.