Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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