problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
