Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left