Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??