Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
