i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
