We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
