If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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