Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
