Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
