I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
