it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
