I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
