i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
