there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
