God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
