I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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