Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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